Tove Lo - Habits (Stay High) - Hippie Sabotage Remix - YouTube

I heard this song a couple nights ago when my boyfriend was watching a video of jets and fighter planes (which was actually fucking awesome, but I digress…) and it stuck with me. I looked it up tonight and watched the actual music video… now I’m crying alone in my bathroom, feeling so many emotions. I realize not many people (anyone, really) would have this strong of a reaction to it, but it touched a place so frighteningly familiar that it still haunts me to this day. Thank god it’s my memory instead of my reality. I’ve come so far, farther than some people would ever realize because of how much time I spent hiding the truth of how far down I really was back then (even from myself).

And still I feel so guilty. There is an ache that won’t leave me. Nothing or no one can touch it. I left her behind…
I scratched myself out of that hole (or at least started climbing) and she stayed. I may not be perfect or happy, but I’m trying to make it (and I actually want to for a change). But what does she have? This is her life. Every one that gives a shit about her is gone. Including me. I’m gone. Because I have to be. Because I want more than that.

Why don’t you, C? Why can’t I save you from yourself? One day, when it’s too late, I’ll know I could’ve (should’ve) done more. And I’ll hate you for that.

And yet…
I wish you knew how much I love you… How much we all do.


Been waiting for this aaaallll year.

pros of dating me

  • you can hold my hand whenever you want
  • you can cuddle with me whenever you want
  • you can kiss me whenever you want

cons of dating me

  • i get jealous easily
  • i’m sad a lot
  • i will never feel good enough for you no matter how many times you tell me i am

The struggle

(Source: the-many-faults-in-our-stars, via redwinesuccess)


VIA: Emma Watson’s Twitter


May you find relief from the bad memories of your past that make you feel unworthy

(via anditslove)

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